I'm trapped, but no, I don't wish to get out

I spent most of the morning in the music room, preparing the song Amanda, Eleanor, Kai Cheng & I are supposed to sing for Graduation. Seriously, You should hear it-it's absolutely atrocious. I can't believe I'm supposed to sing it in front of CES & my friends!
Today was a day of disapointments. I wanted to go out to buy CES a birthday present, but because people either couldn't make it or didn't want to go (especially because Ness & Jean are overseas), I couldn't go out. So finally, I got Yirong to buy a bar of Lindt chocolate for him when she went to Coronation...

Another disapointment was that I realised no one except Yirong had prepared for the debate. This thing about debate is wearing me out! Well, it's finally over I guess, and obviously, we lost. Ahha. Yes, this is the whole thing about the 'trap'. Allow me to begin from the beginning (DUH, right?)...

For the debate, it is my usual practise to FORCE, practically, members to fufil their roles, and today was no exception. With SR as 1st speaker, Fabian as 2nd, CES as 3rd & BQ as Reply, I thought the matter was settled. However, about 10 minutes before we left the classroom for the debate, CES exclaimed all of a sudden, "I DON'T WANT TO BE 3RD SPEAKER! YOU GUYS ARE JUST USING ME AS A PAWN FOR YOUR PURPOSE!" To be frank, I was SHOCKED BEYOND WORDS. I thought, "This CES that I like is seriously an asshole." Then I thought about it. What he said really was true. But the PURPOSE of placing him as 3rd speaker was to ALLOW OUR TEAM TO DO THE BEST WE CAN, NOT FOR OUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES. So I tried this psychology thingy I always use on Jonathan when he refuses to participate in group projects. "*****, are you a member of our team?" "Yes." "Since you are a member of our team, do you want our team to do well?" "Yes." "Since you want our team to do well, shouldn't you participate in the debate to allow our team to do well?" "I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK! I'M JUST A PAWN!" He looked set to cry.

I should have known better. Persuading CES to speak PERSONALLY wasn't such a good idea from the start. I would never be able to see him cry and I knew that. Can you guess what I did? I actually told Yirong, "Since ***** has that kind of attitude, we probably won't be able to get him to speak, and even if we do, he's not going to do his best. I'm willing to take his place." I couldn't get further from reality. One of the judges would be a teacher that didn't exactly like me. Far from it, actually. But I said THAT anyway. So Yirong asked me,"What role?" and I replied,"Whichever that no one wants." Come to think of it, what I did was really selfish. For the sake of the team, I should have gone on to make CES speak, since he was one of the best in our team, if not the best. I FELL INTO THE TRAP. My heart would really melt if I saw him cry (Gross, who's going to clean up the muck?!) I saw that before, and it was my fault. I got quite concerned, but I wasn't really sure I liked him then. Anyway, after Yirong agreed to let me take over CES, I walked over and told him,"I'm taking over your place" and walked off. Fortunately, I became the reply speaker so not a lot of preparation was necessary.

Maybe from my selfish point of view, I did the right thing because from then on CES was really sweet. During preparation he was really really nice and gave lots of ideas. The only bits that were kind of awkward was when I told Yirong and CES that I was really cold, and I stretched my hand out and told them,"Don't believe you touch la!" Rong did and she agreed. CES said,"Then don't want to touch your hand." LMAO I'm not so despo lorh, don't 'xiang wai wai'. And also when everyone was somehow squashed together, CES was beside me so we ended up squishing each other. Ew.

After school, I was at Gate A and it was raining, so CES was leaning against a pillar at the sheltered walkway. I saw him from afar so I strode slowly past him and watched from the corner of my eye whether he noticed. He did. About a metre after I walked past I stopped and leaned against a portion of the metal railing. I observed his actions carefully (haha) and fiddled with my phone. Then he walked over, leaned against the portion of the metal railing right to the left of me and said,"You know how much you messed up today?" I just said,"Well, I did my best! Better than some idiot who refuses to speak." And he said,"You know the number of times we spoke was the same? Once reply and once as another speaker." So I just said,"Fine fine fine." I'm not sure what happened after that, I think his mum called and he left....

Actually I have a confession to make. When everyone was downstairs listening to the 4th Sparring Session and the classroom was empty, I slipped a church brochure into CES' bag, inviting him over to the IGNYTE service on 18th November, and wishing Happy Birthday in advance. I'm not sure whether he saw it already. Oh yes. I forgot to tell you guys that the staring has resumed. I finally understand. CES stares at people who like him because he can't believe that they have such bad taste!

Well, I'm going to play a game with Diane now! Bye!