Wowee. I really need God's Direction in my life

The more I go to IGNYTE, the more I realise how urgent my situation has become. I need to find time for God, amidst upcoming piano examinations, the need to pour out my feelings on this blog and managing different sorts of problems which have somehow come my way. Seriously, playing mediator is not easy. First off, you need to control your own urge not to take sides to prevent the matter from blowing up further, then you have to tell the KPOs taking sides to shut up in a nice way, and finally you have to address the matter as carefully as possible to prevent the parties involved from thinking you are biased. Okay that's not what I wanted to talk about. What I really wanted to ask myself was, "How do I find time for God?" and also, "What is God's plan for me?"

I guess I've explained the first question, but the REAL problem is that I don't love God ENOUGH. That's why I placed many priorities before God... Which is, SAD.

The second question is one that I've been thinking about for a LONG, LONG time. It's basically about my future. Since I was very very young, I've only had ONE ambition. A very pathetic one that tends to turn me into a laughingstock, especially if Vanessa is reading this. I wanted to be a singer. Really. I didn't tell many people, only Amanda because I trusted her not to laugh. She didn't. I'm sure Rachel Lim won't laugh either. The thing is, I don't mind people laughing at me most of the time, just not on my ambition okay?

Recently during IGNYTE service, I see many junior worship leaders. And I think, "What kind of singer do I want to be?" Gospel? Or chinese pop? I know well enough that it isn't hard to break into the chinese pop market in Singapore through a talent-scouting competition as long as you have a good coach. But my mum wants me to sing CLASSICAL MUSIC if I want to be a singer so she'll only get me a CLASSICAL coach like Dr Wong Su San, who I have previously trained under, but quit because I wanted to concentrate on my school-work... Really, I don't mind classical music, but has my mum ever thought of MONEY-MAKING for that matter? As for gospel, well, its nearly the same as classical music... But if God wants me to sing gospel, I'll sing gospel. I thought of another plan. Pop+Gospel in together, which is tough but not impossible. Haiz... We'll see. If His plan is not for me to sing, then why hasn't another notion appeared in my mind? Let me repeat: For nearly 12 years, I've only had ONE ambition.

Oh yea... Just now I was talking about church. I now know how scary it is to be starred at. Remember I told you about this Cute Guy? Lets name him CG. Now, CG has a best friend. Lets name him CuteGuy'sFriend, CGF in short. Let me first warn you... This is like what happened between CES, Ness & me... Ok in church. CGF whispers something to CG whenever I go anywhere near. Turns around, stares, and looks away. CRREEEEPPYY... That's just during cell. During service, they usually sit in front while me and my friends sit somewhere in the middle. Sometimes, I stare at CG and wonder why he's always wearing different colours of Giordano shirts and CrissCross jeans, and CGF TURNS AROUND and STARES. Its embarrassing because the people around me TURN AROUND and STARE at me as well... And since I was staring at CG, who was sitting beside him, CGF could well think I was staring at him because he whispered something to CG. Does it sound familiar? I hope so. So what I meant was, CG=Ness, CGF=Me, Me in church=CES... Isn't it? No wait. You might not fully understand, so allow me to explain... CES was staring at Vanessa in class. Don't worry, I'm not chichu-ing, because CES isn't christian. Not that I didn't want to convert him-I tried. If I had my way, the whole world would have been saved by christ. LMAO. So that means that I have forgotten about CES. Yay. But seriously, this has been a humbling experience. That's mainly because the 2 crushes I had before both liked me back. Haha. This time, I was really a VERY CLUMSY KLUTZ, so there were MANY embarrassing moments... Bleh.

Now, NEWSFLASH. TWO IMPORTANT NEWS. ONE, I GOT MY IPOD!!!!! So happy. But my iTunes is totally MESSED up, because as you know, I'm a terribly disorganised person. IMPORTANT NEWS TWO, THE PERSON CES LIKES MIGHT NOT BE VANESSA, but SOMEONE ELSE (Banned from sayin' who...)! Okay that's a wild guess la. Even though I don't (Ok I partially do but I can forget easily so it'll be fine in about a week) like CES anymore, its still a mystery whether he's single, crushing (homo), crushing (hetero), taken (homo) or taken (hetero). Notice I put the homos before the heteros because the chances of him being homo are much greater. XP

Points leading to conclusion: 1. CES supposedly SMSes ***** when he's bored (ABNORMAL BEHAVIOUR)... 2. Reply to *****'s messages are supposedly prompt and true most of the time.

I'm not going to comment on his taste, but now no one likes him so he can finally stop eating his walnuts. Bye!!!